Cray Cray People Church

 I love what I do. I love seeing my wonderful clients and friends. I truly would live here year round...

EXCEPT

People cray cray.

I get here on Saturday after a 8 hour trip, with a chocked full schedule for a week. I love that my schedule is chocked full. I get to see lots of people, connect and share Reiki, and breathe deeply with others, really an irreplaceable joy.

My first task was a Reiki attunement on Sunday with some new Level 2's and some dear old friends. I get to the studio early to set up. I'm excited, as always, because attunement is great energy. I also have 3 more appointments that day with really interesting clients that I love to talk with. It was destined to be a great day, even with an 8 hour 95 hangover.

I bebop into our storage closet to get the tables to set up the altar and screech to a stop. Ummm. All of my stuff has been moved to one side, stacked precariously on top of everything, to the point that I can't begin to even get to my tables, let alone my cabinets, shelves or sink. WTF? I've had this storage area for over 10 years. In place of my stuff is a bunch of Christmas decorations. Ummmm. In July we are moving Christmas decorations? In front of and in place of my stuff? Again, WTF?

But, I am busy. I have people coming. Can't think about that now, I'll think of it tomorrow ala Scarlett O'Hara. I drag a very heavy table from another room and proceed with my day. I text the elder in charge of buildings and grounds and inform him of the situation. 

Monday comes. I hear nothing. But. I'm busy. Got no time to think about how I cannot access any of my stuff. I make do. And frankly I'm sad. I could've just called the reverend and he would have listened and reacted... but he had to go and die on us. And there's no one in charge now. I miss him so much. It's really hard being there without him. I just move on...

But then at 4am Tuesday morning I am shocked awake. WTF???? Who DOES this??? No notice, no questions asked, just go into someone's space and decide it is now your space? Not only moving my stuff but actually getting rid of some of my stuff??? Are you kidding me????

Oh dear. Now I'm mad. My brain starts spinning with all the other times this kind of nonsense has occurred. Something that would've taken a simple phone call or email "hey, we are really in need of space, could you help a brother out?" Yeah. I'm reasonable, I could help a Christian out... humpf. Christian being the in-operative word. I stew and stew and then finally say to myself, "ok, you've been here before, what is the solution?" Not taking the stuff and throwing it in the road... not setting fire to the place (lol, I am an Aries you know) but yeah, what would a reasonable adult do in this situation? Especially since I seem to be the only one....

So, I get up (fricking 5:15am) and proceed to write a very carefully worded email to the powers that be requesting future advance notice if they are going to suddenly take away anything that was designated as Imagine space for 10 fricking years. I then go over to the studio (fricking 8am) and proceed to remove EVERYTHING that is Imagine's from the space. Why? Welp, if they can move and throw away my stuff without any notice, I cannot trust that it won't continue. And, if they need the space, have at it-- it's a creepy rodent infested un-air conditioned/heated space with spider webs all over it. Go for it. AND the irony?  Most of the stuff isn't mine anyway... it was left behind from ghosts of the past. 

Sigh. After 3 very sweaty days, I got it all out. I notified my staff of the new spaces for our paper products and cleaning supplies. I put all the theater stuff in the theater shed and gave the new youth pastor the key-- she's a sweetie who was a theater kid so I left it in good hands. I removed mountains of trash, have mountains of stuff in a free giveaway pile and even donated some Christmas stuff to the pile of stuff that removed my stuff. 

Actually, I feel pretty good about it, and here's what I really feel proud of: I didn't remove the duct tape holding the door open so they can get into their stuff since the old doorknob has never worked. I mean, I could've.... but I didn't.

Even though I have yet to have any response to my email to the powers that be. Lordy.... shocking, isn't it?

Tarot

 

I love playing cards. I grew up in a household where card playing was important, I often had to partner with my Dad for canasta and believe me, you had better be good to be his partner. He could keep track of cards in his head, to the point that he knew what you were going to play even before you did. As tough as it was to be his partner, it was 1000 times worse to be his opponent. We played all kinds of card games- gin, 500, michigan & crazy rummy, blitz, spit, hearts, rook, you name it, we played it.

Naturally, tarot cards would intrigue me. And just like my dad, I could keep track of cards in my head. But I rapidly figured out that it wasn't my head that was telling me the cards... I wonder if he had the same helpers?

I started reading the cards in a fit of rebellion against the Baptist youth preacher who said I wasn't allowed to dance. WHAT? Something that gives so much joy is not allowed? Well, fine! I will quit your church and worse... I will read tarot cards too!  Oooo, such a rebel! Back in the 70s, reading tarot was totally taboo, right up there with Ouija boards and levitating. Yes, I also did those things. I mean, why not? I was already in trouble for dancing. 

I would always read cards just for fun. I never really took it as anything more than a game, just a party trick. People would be astounded, "how did you know that?" <Insert me shrugging and saying I dunno here>  I didn't realize what a tool for transformation the cards could be until much later. I always had a deck. Always just plain old Rider-Waite. Sometimes I would do readings, sometimes I would just play gin rummy with them.

Then I found the Osho Zen Tarot deck. I had experienced a very traumatic loss of a family member that left me fragile, vulnerable and rethinking everything & everybody in my whole life. Searching for answers, I began to simply pick a card everyday. Just one. It was spot on, exactly what I needed to hear to pick myself up and continue to fight to make the changes needed to create the life I was supposed to live, instead of playing the hand I had been dealt. (unironically, this was right around my first Saturn return- more on that in another post) The Zen deck spoke to me in a different way than the R-W. Deeper, less cartoonish, teaching me that nothing is really all good or all bad and that everything is useful.

When I started doing readings as my job, the zen deck was my go to. Sometimes I would supplement with R-W if the querent needed a hammer, but mostly they just needed confirmation that what they knew was true WAS.  Like, they know they need to quit their job, divorce their spouse, move or let go of toxicity; the cards verify it and empower them to do so. I have seen some really powerful transformations through readings. The cards do not lie. I cannot tell you how many times I have laid down a spread as my client bursts into tears. Men & women, the cards don't pull punches. Truth is the truth. And the cards help you to accept it. 

As I interpret, the words flow from a place beyond me. Sometimes, I feel like I am just along for the ride, almost as if I can step outside myself and listen to what is coming through -"damn, that was brilliant, wonder how I thought of that?" - LOL It really makes me chuckle sometimes. I'm surprised the querent doesn't think I'm nuts... ok, don't answer that, I know what you think. 

I don't read with the zen deck as much anymore. After 20 years, going through 4 versions of them, I find myself a bit jaded. The important thing about tarot is the images. A good reader sees something different every time, something that pertains exclusively to the querent - this is why using the text from the book as anything but confirmation is so useless- that's the authors interpretation, not the message for the client. There is lots of wisdom in the book... but the true wisdom is in the images. Or what you see in the images. Sometimes I think the images actually change... but yeah, that's me. I just trust the cards. 

I use lots of different decks and layouts. I have people who come to me from all over the world, online or in person, whenever they need to make a transition or to get some clarity. I teach tarot, in fact, have a class coming up soon. But what I am really teaching is trust. You know the truth. You know it. And if you don't, let's do a reading to help you see it. And then maybe we could play some gin rummy?

Astrological Re-do

 If you follow astrology, you probably know that just about all of the heavy hitters in the sky are in retrograde right now. Now, if instantly you want to comment and tell me that planets can't go backwards, just don't. In fact, maybe just stop reading, ain't nobody got time for your skepticism, got enough of our own. 

For those of you interested, a planet retrograde occurs when a planet slows down in its orbit, which makes it appear like it is backsliding. One of the things that those of us who notice these things have discovered is that when a planet goes retrograde, it gives us a chance to have a massive re-do.

Rethink

Remember

Release

Repeat

When the Re's are in charge, it can be annoying or useful, depending on perspective. Each planet brings a different energy to re-do, and will impact a different part of our life. The most famous is Mercury Retrograde, but only because it happens so frequently. Mercury is quicksilver so it spins around and around and then stops 3 times a year to catch its breath. Mercury is the planet of communication, the messenger, so when he slows down, everything related to communication will slow down or even just get all botched up. This is where you will hit reply with a nasty comment and actually send it to the person you are being nasty about. Ooops! Then your computer will crash and you can't retrieve it before the person sees that you think their hair looks like a porcupine. 

Mercury is not in retrograde right now. Whew!

But. Pluto, Neptune, Saturn, Eris and Chiron are. And Jupiter is getting close. And I don't even want to talk about Uranus.

Admit it. Your 12 year old self decided to chime in about Uranus. Don't lie.

And yes, I know Eris and Chiron are not planets. Why are you still reading?

Fact is, we are getting quite a chance to re-do.

The skeptical part of me thinks that just knowing this makes these things happen. But then the mystical part of me finds myself completely overhauling my website and social media... and deleting old messages and email.. and getting rid of old blogs. Hmmm. I'd like to say I planned this but truth is, I just get up and the planets direct me to the next thing whether I like it or not.

The biggest Re for me this time has been reconnect. Or maybe repurpose. Actually, it's been a pretty big process of seeing things clearer than I have for years. Trying not to let regrets rule without recognizing why things happened the way they did. And taking responsibility for the insecurities that made them happen... and yeah, lets recreate in a new way, the way it should've been done if I was as wise then as I am now.

Did you guys get that? I know that was a lot of Re's.

If repower was a word, I would say that's what is happening right now. Taking control, and moving on. Are y'all feeling that too? This would be a good time to go back over your life, fix what you can, and release the rest. I mean, Mercury retrograde is coming.... and.... don't forget about Uranus.

Join me and my Star Sister on July 31st if you want to learn more about astrology. 

Ocean Dreams

 So, I live at the ocean. The picture on the background of this blog is my view. Every day. I get up, pour my tea, and look at the ocean. I do my work, teach my yoga, hold my appointments, read my books, clean my condo, watch tv and the ocean is right there. Every day. Sometimes I get really caught up in what I am doing and then I look up, focus and am surprised: The ocean is right there. And it keeps waving whether I look at it or not. 

I have always wanted to live on the ocean. When I was a kid, my dad built condos on the Jersey shore and would take us with him for the summer because my mom was afraid to live in our house alone. The millionaires he worked for would let us stay in the rentals that were available, so often we would have to move week by week, but it was fabulous. I body-surfed all day, every day. Got burnt to a crisp since suntan lotion wasn't a thing then, slathering yourself with crisco and frying was the thing. The ocean was the one place I felt freedom. My mother was dedicated to her tan, so really couldn't be bothered with telling me what to do, plus she couldn't swim so she couldn't come in after me anyway.

I spend more time just looking at the ocean now. Walking in the waves. Listening to the constant soothing sounds of simplicity. We cannot believe we live here. The circumstances are bizarre, requiring a pandemic to realize a lifelong dream. My husband and I have been here for 2.5 years now. Every day we are stunned. "Can you believe we are here?" "No, so bizarre, whodathunkit?" We have struggled with guilt over leaving our home, our dog, our studio, our friends. We have struggled with adjusting to living in space a third of what we were used to. We have struggled with learning to garden in pots in a really hostile to plants environment. We have struggled with living in a place where the political climate is quite different than "home".

Home. We have really struggled with what is home. The other day, we were talking, "so, do you feel like this is home?" The answer is unfortunately, no. We will be going for our monthly trip to Maryland and the question will be the same. As will the answer. After almost 40 years in the same house, it no longer feels like home, it's just a place we go to work off our guiltiness at our good fortune. So, what is home?

We have learned that home is where we are. When we are with our friends, with our family, doing what we love, doing our jobs, we feel at home. It's not a place. It's not a thing. It's just us. There's a tarot card in the Osho deck with a turtle on it, symbolizing how the turtle takes its home with it where-ever it goes. The text says, "the essence is at ease, the essence is at ease". In todays world, it is very hard to feel at ease. Any where. But I have learned that when I look up, and the ocean is still waving at me, and I take a deep breath, and relax...

Ahhhh, the essence is at ease. Indeed.

 

Time for some fresh insights

 I've blogged on and off for a very long time. I used to just say whatever I wanted. Then I got some flack. Then I got quiet. Then I would get mad and have to talk. Then I would regret it. So I would get quiet again.

But I think it's time for all of that to change.